100 honest to god truths about me.

1. I harbored a tiny crush on Eddy Kwon all through high school, but never tried to initiate conversation for fear that we would have nothing in common, because I wasn’t interesting enough as a person for him to be interested in.
2. I owe Suzanne Florey for inspiring me to be more confident. She probably doesn’t remember, but in middle school I confessed I never thought she would talk to me because she was ‘opular,’ and she seemed to be genuinely surprised by this. Whether it was a lie or not, it doesn’t matter—because of that I thought maybe, just maybe, I could learn to maybe talk to people.
3. I always thought it would be fun to have Alexis LeFleur as a friend, but thought she was just humoring me when we talked in class.
4. I hate it when guys ask me out—it makes me uncomfortable, and I would much rather be the one to ask THEM out, because then it feels like I have some measure of control over the situation.
5. Still a virgin, despite the assumptions of some.
6. Never paid attention to who was drinking, smoking, doing drugs or hooking up in high school. Still have no idea, for the most part.
7. I find smoking a disgusting habit, to the point where it actually makes me think less of people.
8. I have an addiction to crying every now and then—I’ll listen to songs that make me sob for over an hour, just to cry myself out.
9. I thought I might be a lesbian my freshman year of high school because I wanted to kiss one of my mentors from debate/Shakespeare.
10. I get crushes on guys, but I feel safer around girls.
11. In high school I failed my first class sophomore year because I was afraid to ask for help. Instead of coming clean, I forged my report card for my parents and tried to hide it. This continued until, when I was in danger of not graduating my senior year, my dean called my family to let them know how many classes I failed.
12. Now that I’m in college I’m pulling a 3.5 on average.
13. I think everyone knew, and just didn’t say.
14. When I was little I used to get mistaken for a boy all the time, and so for a while I would try and use that ‘boyishness’ to try and be androgynous, which I thought was cool.
15. Because I was very huggy with my friends, people used to write on the middle school bathrooms that we were lesbians. I never found out who that was.
16. Katie Walsch stopped being my friend very abruptly in middle school, followed shortly by Laura Amlie, and I never really understood what it was I did.
17. For a time I choose those same two girls, Laura and Katie, for friends over Alysha Allen and Laura Hoium because I believed we had more in common, and I wanted to surround myself with what, at the time, I deemed “more intelligent” people. I have grown to be so ashamed of that decision that I can’t even put it into words, and regret everything hurtful I may have said to those two.
18. Sweat pants in public make me want to vomit a little, UNLESS someone is working out.
19. I’m really not a people-person, but I try to be.
20. I’m already starting to admit to myself that my dad sorta knew what the shit he was talking about when he expressed concern for my ability to socialize.
21. I love to write, but I fear I’ll never finish anything.
22. I stumbled onto my first porn site when I was in 5th grade, and even though I was horrified and exited the screen right away, curiosity took over and I went back. This both explains and does not explain quite a lot, I think…
23. My shoulders always ache, but I’m so ticklish I can hardly ever find someone to help me with it.
24. I’ve been told by several people that I flirt quite a lot, but usually I don’t seem to be aware of when I’m doing this.
25. When I DO act in a way that I am AWARE is considered flirting, I enjoy the attention but I hate having to deal with people actually FALLING FOR IT and making advances.
26. I am horrible with diffusing bad situations, realizing someone is upset or knowing when someone is angry with me.
27. I kinda want to fall in love, but I’m terrified that I’m going to let it make me do stupid things, so I avoid the possibility.
28. Avocado with cucumber on toast is my absolute favorite breakfast item.
29. I think being short makes people not take me seriously sometimes—most people just see ‘cute,’ even when I’m pissed off.
30. This doesn’t change the fact that I exploit my shortness.
31. I know I have a caffeine addiction, but I have no desire to fight it.
32. When I was in pre-school my teacher told me that I wasn’t one of God’s children because I wasn’t baptized, and for a number of years I hated all Christians because I thought they were all like that.
33. If my parents would have allowed me to ‘go goth,’ I probably would have in middle school.
34. I actually love working at Victoria’s Secrets. Not to the point where I could work there forever, of course, but really—I’m not going to lie and say retail is awful, that all the customers are dumb sluts and that our products are useless, because IT’S NOT TRUE. I’m very loyal to the store, actually.
35. Some foods are just best stale, like spicy cheetos and bread.
36. Had ONE BEER in Ireland. Had two sips of said beer. Waste of 4 euro/$6.
37. I want to date someone who I don’t really get along with at first—I feel like we’d have more room to grow, and would pay attention to the differences more.
38. When I read Neil Gaiman’s “Sandman” series I feel… like I’m getting to peek into the mind of someone truly exceptional. Nothing I could every write in a million years could match up to what this man puts out, but I’d still like to TRY.
39. I can’t STAND movie-gore and violence at all—I close my eyes every time.
40. I’m a huge wuss about scary movies and stories too. It’s really, really easy to scare me.
41. I detest the colors yellow and orange. Everything else is cool.
42. I love to cook. I’m not very good at it, and I don’t so much actually COOK meals and make things that I set out to make as much as I see what I have and try to monkey around with it. Still, being in the kitchen makes me happy and calm.
43. I love cartoon movies, and nothing anyone says will really make me regret that. It might be immature, but I like good stories and feeling good when I watch something.
44. I love the feel of wind blowing against me, especially if I’m wearing a longer skirt and it blows around my legs and face. Few things in the world feel more relaxing.
45. Coffee, tea and soda I like. Energy drinks, no so much—they make my hands shaky.
46. I am notoriously BAD at putting clothes either back on their hanger, on a shelf or in the hamper—everywhere else in the room seems like a good enough place at the time.
47. I enjoy walking around my own room in pants and a bra. The frequent presence of my friend’s boyfriend in the house is what keeps me from going out like that around the apartment very often.
48. I understand the appeal of futanari.
49. I’m actually pretty bad at collecting on debts.
50. I enjoyed the Twilight movie, even though I think the books should burn in the furthest depths of literary hell.
51. I can’t dance, but I enjoy it none the less, especially when you hand me a set of glowsticks to go with it.
52. One of my favorite types of food is anything that has a soupy consistency.
53. I collect cross jewelry and cute panda paraphernalia.
54. I don’t actually think most Japanese boys are cute, on a whole—they just have nice hair.
55. A friend got me into TFA (Transformers Animated) last semester, and I admit to being a TOTAL Screamer-whore.
56. The most emotional piece of writing I’ve ever done with anyone was three years ago, and the other author lives in Hawaii. I don’t think I’ll ever get to meet her, even though our writing still makes me sob.
57. I’m minoring in International Business to make my parents feel better—if it were up to me, I wouldn’t be bothering. It just makes organizing classes that will allow me to graduate on time more complicated.
58. I change temperature really easily, which is generally why I wear tank tops and sweaters—they allow me to layer up and down as I need to, without worrying about sweat stains.
59. My junior year I really, really crushed on Andy Warnes, but didn’t say anything because he had a really sweet girlfriend who he seemed to love a lot. They broke up shortly after graduation, and I regret not having said anything.
60. I miss my short hair, but everyone else seems to think that my long hair suites me more, and looks better. When it comes down to it, it really only matters what I think because it’s my own damn hair, but sometimes the overwhelming opinion against my short hair makes me wonder…
61. My favorite gemstone is the fire topaz—I hope whoever asks me to marry them takes this into consideration.
62. I never feel like I have a style, when it comes to anything, really—I just like what I like.
63. I’m really not all that fond of chocolate. I don’t HATE it, but it will never be my first choice.
64. I loathe the taste of green bell peppers. Once my mom made stuffed peppers, and that night I was sick and threw up about ten times. I ran out of actual SOLIDS after the first few, but I could still TASTE bell pepper.
65. I like cooking with Kosher salt because I feel I can control the amount I pinch in more… and also, it just feels cooler between your fingers.
66. When I cook, or clean, often I’ll be playing pretend, even now that I’m going into my twenties—either that I’m a servant in a castle or a witch, or the like. Mary Poppins taught me that chores could be a game, damnit!
67. When I was little I wanted to learn how to play the harp.
68. I feel very little shame in using Internet humor and slang in my every day speech, and this embarrasses me a little when I think about it.
69. I just about died of happiness when I was cast as a fairy in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. It was a small role, but I had a name, and I was a FAIRY IN THAT PLAY. I’m sad that I didn’t make the play my senior year, but in a way, I’m glad my career in Shakespeare Fest ended with my dream-role.
70. Some songs put me in a really relaxed, lethargic mood where I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I get the notion that I’m forgetting something.
71. I love small glass bottles and vials, especially if they have corks or stoppers. It makes me feel like a magician, an alchemist, a old kind of doctor, a scientist or anything else my imagination can foolishly consider.
72. I have a very bad habit of being fixated with mirrors. It’s not that I’m vain enough to always want to see my own appearance, but I CANNOT resist looking into them, either at myself or whatever or whomever might be behind me. Standing between two mirrors, however, sometimes makes me feel nervous.
73. Accents make me happier then they really ought to.
74. My favorite music is usually from soundtracks—cartoons and musicals, mostly, but I don’t limit myself to singers, groups or genres—it’s another case of I just like what I like.
75. I don’t care what anyone thinks—I’d sooner have an abortion than have a child at this point in my life, and I can’t understand why some girls to keep theirs when they’re so very young.
76. I find myself attractive enough, but I’m still pretty self-conscious about my physical appearance.
77. I don’t find babies cute, at all. Baby animals, yes, but human babies? Not a chance. I suppose in a general way, maybe, but I really don’t see what all the gushing is about.
78. Ever since I was little I always envision God having a physical form, one that I could describe to someone, because I never liked the idea of praying to someone without a face, even when I was little. It wasn’t mysterious, it wasn’t divine, it was just CREEPY. I don’t think God would want to scare anyone like that, so I didn’t think he’d mind too much.
79. I want more outgoing, active friends who actually like to DO things, but at the same time I’m very much a ‘chill out’ kinda person? I think? It makes me feel like I’d be boring to a lot of people, since I don’t ‘get out’ much.
80. I’d like to be a writer, but I don’t tell people that often, mostly because I actually get irritated when people SAY they want to be a novelist, and most of them don’t have a modicum of talent. Not that *I* do, but somehow it just seems… like you’re giving yourself too much credit in that area? I don’t want to jinx it because I got cocky. I don’t PLAN on being a writer, but I might give it a shot on the side and see what happens.
81. When I’m in a bad mood I try to suppress it, and it never really works.
82. Caffeine doesn’t make me stay awake or more alert—just enough prevents me from getting a headache and having shaky hands, but too much makes me sick and have UNCONTROLLABLY shaky hands.
83. My biggest physical hangup is my body hair.
84. I know my eyes are blue, and are callable of looking a different color, I really wish they were either grey or brown. Even green would be better than blue.
85. I’d rather have an engagement necklace than a ring because I crack my knuckles, and eventually I may not be able to get a ring off or on. Also, while diamonds are nice, I’d much rather have a fire topaz or some other, more interesting looking gem. Also, white gold. Yellow gold is ugly.
86. I actually DO like the taste and texture of sushi, particularly tuna—it’s not slimy to me and it DOES taste good. I enjoy that fishy taste, and I love the feel of it in my mouth. All in all, sushi and sashimi are a wonderful dining experience for me.
87. I love salty food. LOVE. Much more than sweets. I’d rather have chips than cake any day.
88. I’m not really one for flavored coffees. A mocha is one thing, raspberry or vanilla or mind… is entirely another. Give me black over flavored, please.
89. I don’t like commenting on people’s stories or art because I feel that I won’t say anything that hasn’t already been said, and my little hand-raise of ‘I like it’ is meaningless.
90. I want to marry a guy, but I want a female friend-with-benefits because I feel like I’d feel safer, be at lower risk for STDs, and there’s no chance for pregnancy.
91. Also, just have a straight up fear of intercourse. Don’t ask, I don’t really understand it either, because I still find the thought of heterosexual sex appealing.
92. I don’t feel like sex should play a big role in any romantic relationship I may start in college, but I have a lot of sexual frustration. I want sex, but not from the person I love. I’m… aware of how messed up that sounds.
93. I hate clipping my nails—I feel better when they’re long, and it’s easier to type, hold a pencil, etc. When they’re cut short I feel like I FEEL too much on my fingertips.
94. I’m terribly judgmental, but I try to act fairly nice to everyone just so I’m liked by a variety of people.
95. I firmly believe that saying something in class every other day or so, as long as it’s relevant to the material, as well as occasionally hanging back to chat with them about something or get clarification, it will make your teacher like you. I try to employ this in every, single class.
96. I very much operate on the ‘do as I say not as I do’ principle because it just makes me sad and angry to see people making the same mistakes as me when I know how damaging those habit habits. It makes me sound like an enormous hypocrite and I’m painfully aware of this.
97. I hate greasy foods, in general. Once in a while I need fries or something, but on the whole, food where I can SEE grease on my plate, in the pot or floating on the top makes me lose my appetite.
98. I prefer professors who are strict to ones who are really easy going and haphazard. It’s fine to have a good sense of humor or not be an asshole, but I want my teachers to act like the authority figures they are, at least while in the classroom.
99. I detest quite a few dairy products—cream cheese, sour cream, cheese, butter. They have their moments and places, but for the most part I just do NOT dig the creamy taste.
100. I am hideously aware that I am very, very selfish.